But overall, a too big to fail bailed out bank putting out an ad over the holiday just doesn’t sit too kindly with most who know their history. Didn’t they just lose close to $9 billion on a trade that went bad? That’s a lot of turkey or pie or stuffing or whichever Thanksgiving themed dish you prefer. The question is though: How much did the ad cost JP Morgan to make and run?

“I expect this is meant as a sign of his confidence in the bank,” John Coffee, a securities-law professor at Columbia University Law School, said in an e-mail. (Bloomberg)

Dimon sold some of his preferred shares of JPM, though. The stock didn’t move much on the news. Here’s the SEC Form showing the stock transactions by Dimon. He’ll also collect a nice dividend, as JPM currently has a yield of 3.54%.

In the weeks leading up to the JP Morgan conference call, Jamie Dimon met with this team in a secret location to “hammer out” what phrase they should use to describe the London Whale trade and the resulting loss of $5.8 billion over two quarters. The team met late into the night in a secret New York office until it final hit Jamie Dimon that the best phrase was, “shot ourselves in the foot“.

The phrase was chosen with the utmost of care, as Jamie Dimon’s previous reference to the trade as a “tempest in a teapot” showed he had no idea what was going on at his own bank. The executive team didn’t want anymore egg on their face. Here though are a few other phrases that nearly won over the team of JP Morgan executives.

• The trade boiled over and into the kitchen
• The trade turned out to be a snake in the grass
• The trade left us out in the cold without a coat
• When the tide went out we were almost naked
• The traders bite off more than they could chew
• The trade didn’t cut the mustard
• The trade nearly cost us an arm and a leg
• We didn’t hit the nail on the head with this trade
• The trade opened a can of worms
• The trade was like a kick in the teeth
• We barked up the wrong tree with this trade
• The trade really rocked the boat
• The trader was swinging for the fences and struck out
• The trade is a thorn in my side
• We are humbled and leave this conference call with our tails between our legs

It was also stated in the meeting that Jamie Dimon should use the team “storm” to describe the current economic state of the global markets and reiterate the phrase “fortress” to describe JP Morgan’s balance sheet.

“Soy un perdedor/I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me?”

That said, Jim Cramer made it clear that he thinks Jamie Dimon is a loser despite the fact that he “performed” well in front of the Senate Banking Committee. Dimon was cool and calm and didn’t make any statements that would bring more negative attention to JP Morgan. However, Cramer said Dimon went into the the hearing a loser and comes out a loser – there’s no way to spin it was what Cramer was trying to say, I think. Dimon’s bank lost over $2 billion (perhaps much more) on a bad trade and there’s no changing that.

But, if you’re talking about the stock, as in shares of JP Morgan, Cramer said they are cheap and the mentioning of claw backs by Dimon was a good thing. See Jamie, Cramer doesn’t really think you’re such a loser after all. Just don’t give out big bonuses and make the traders who lost the $2 billion, and counting, give back their previous years bonuses. Oh yeah, in another interview Dimon said he won’t say just how much was lost on the bad trade until JP Morgan reports earnings – can’t wait for that one.

Scene: Jamie Dimon at his desk writing in his diary. There’s a mirror over the desk that he looks up at from time to time.

Date: 5/10/12

Today was a tough day, but it wasn’t your fault. Yes, you knew about the hedged bet…it was said to be under control. No, you are not like Jon Corzine. Stop saying that. You’re nothing like Corzine. Stop beating yourself up. JP Morgan is still a bank with a fortress balance sheet. Never forget that.

Sure, $2 billion is a lot of money but just look at what you’ve done over the last three years.
If it wasn’t for you the world financial markets would have collapsed. Nobody wanted to take on Bear Stearns but you did. Hank Paulson and Timmy Geithner were begging you to buy it and save America. They kept constantly calling you asking you what they should do in the crisis. You helped save the financial markets. When people look back in history they won’t talk about the $2 billion loss.

This will blow over. Yeah, you made a big mistake calling it a tempest in a teapot but it was a hell of a zinger at the time. People loved it.

You’ve learned from this, though. You are a better man now. There is no better banker out there than you. Remember that. Keep your head up. People admire you and look up to you. How brave was it to go on Meet the Press and face the problem head on. Who does that? Usually bank CEOs hide out in their mansions and drown their sorrows with cases of booze. That’s not your style and you deserve credit for that.

Jim Cramer said you should drop your bonus for the year. The man doesn’t think straight and is just trying to get some attention. You’ve worked too hard the past three years and deserve the money. Fire those in charge of the trades instead. That will make you look strong, too. Don’t listen to these TV talking heads. Stick to your goal of becoming the world’s greatest banker like you’ve dreamed of since you were a child. And remember, women love you and would wash your hair and tuck you in at night if they could. No, the gray doesn’t look that bad. You’re beating yourself up again. You ain’t Corzine, bald and with a unkempt beard. In fact, your gray hair makes you looked wiser and more distinguished. You are great. You are the world’s greatest banker. Don’t forget that.

Scene: With that, he scoots out away from his desk, stands up, brushes his hair to the side, puffs up his chest, and walks out of the room.

In his “No Huddle Offense” segment, Cramer sounded off on the JPMorgan Chase (JPM_) bad-trade debacle, as his charitable trust, Action Alerts PLUS, is in the unfortunate position of holding shares of the ill-fated investment bank.

Cramer said he can’t blame CEO Jamie Dimon, but it’s his job to be more skeptical. He admitted that his trust had no business owning an international bank given the risks involved. “I don’t want an apology,” said Cramer, “I want action,” adding that someone must pay for their actions. He suggested Dimon give up his bonus as a gesture of good will toward shareholders. (The Street)

While this would be a nice gesture, it wouldn’t really make that much of an impact on a trading loss that could exceed $2 billion. In past years, Jamie Dimon has received restricted stock and stock options valued at $17 million. That doesn’t mean much in light of the billions lost.

Plus, JP Morgan has now lost its standing as the best bank in the world – the bank with the so called fortress balance sheet. It’s become just another hated bank that you can’t trust. It’s credit rating has been downgraded. Analysts left and right are lowering their price targets.

Perhaps Jamie Dimon and the rest of his executive team should agree to give up their bonuses collectively, that might be a bit more meaningful. Still though, this bad trade has done irreparable damage to the once loved bank.

Who’s going to feel safe owning shares of JP Morgan going forward? You’ll always be worried that some trade might go bad and you’ll wake up and see the stock down nearly 10%.

J.P. Morgan Chase & Co., the nation’s largest bank, surprised the market today, saying it has taken large losses stemming from derivatives bets gone wrong in the bank’s Chief Investment Office.

At 4:30, the bank sent out an unusual notice saying that it would be holding a call at 5 p.m. but included no details about what the call would be about. A person familiar with the matter said the call would include CEO Jamie Dimon and discuss the bank’s quarterly filing.

On the conference call, J.P. Morgan CEO Jamie Dimon said the bank had taken $2 billion in trading losses in the past six weeks and could face an additional $1 billion in second-quarter losses due to market volatility.

The Wall Street Journal reported in April that hedge funds and other investors were making bets in the credit-default swap markets to take advantage of volatility that stemmed from the trades done by a London-based trader that named Bruno Michel Iksil who worked out of J.P. Morgan Chase & Co.’s Chief Investment Office.

J.P. Morgan’s shares are down 5.5% after hours to $38.50.

Those who were there, in the room, say a single tear fell down the side of Jamie Dimon’s cheek as he rehearsed for JP Morgan’s upcoming conference call, practicing what he would say to the financial world:

“I ask you to stop the hate. I just can’t take it anymore. I am not a bad person. Yes, I’m rich but I’ve worked hard to get where I am. I’m just a banker trying to do good. To loan money. To create jobs. To help our shareholders. To help America become great again. To build the best bank in the world. I ask that you stop demonizing banks and bankers, and me. I plead with you to stop the harassment. Enough with the bullying of America’s big bank bankers.”

With his head hung low, Jamie Dimon got up and strode out of the room, wiping the single tear from his cheek with a kleenex. The once confident, perhaps even arrogant CEO of the bank with the fortress balance sheet, one might say appearing almost humble, perhaps even saddened, and a bit deflated.

“Why in the hell do we have to go through a stress test. JP Morgan is the best bank in the world. We don’t need to raise any capital. We are prepared for any kind of European crisis. I don’t know why we are put in the same class as other banks. This is absurd. However, I’m an American and as an American I’ll do exactly what the government tell us to do. We are making loans to people and helping companies create more jobs. That’s what strong banks do. If they force us to do a stress test we’ll do it. But we don’t need more money.”