Future News: Apple To Cut All Retail Employees in 2018

Jun 23, 2012
J. Webster
Comments Off on Future News: Apple To Cut All Retail Employees in 2018

With a potential savings of close to $1 billion per year, Apple is going to dismiss all their Apple store employees in 2018..

Sound crazy? Not really. They’re just going to replace paid employees with an army of Apple fanboys and girls who will work for nada, zilch, absolutely nothing. Not that Apple’s paying their current employees all that much now.

Executives at the firm believe these paid employees, while incredibly valuable and important at a certain period in time for the company, have become superfluous.

Nowadays, Apple is so beloved it doesn’t need paid employees at their stores. Instead, a few fanboys and girls scattered throughout the score is sufficient.

While the fanboys and girls won’t be paid, they will be rewarded. They’ll get to cut to the front of the line when new products are released. And, even better than this, they’ll receive a standing ovation by fellow non-paid employees when entering the store and regularly clapped when they do something good, i.e. sell Apple iProducts. Then there’s Taco Tuesdays.

Part of this new regime change on the employee front stems from Facebook’s growth.

Long term, in order to compete with Facebook, which as an army of nearly 1 billion employees who work for FREE, posting baby and party pics ad nauseum, Apple is looking to “hire” a stream of non paid employees who will work for the pure love and admiration they hold for Apple. Not that Apple’s paying their current employees all that much.

And as you know, there’s a cult following of Mac lovers who would love to spend hours in Apple stores telling prospective consumers about the greatness of Apple’s iProducts. How revolutionary Apple’s products are. How Apple has changed the world. And so on….

Heck, recently two youngish adults in a San Francisco Apple store were removed from the premise for impersonating Apple employees. What’s funny though, is the two Apple employee impersonators sold a ton of Macs and iPads and were incredibly knowledgeable – problem was they weren’t actual employees, not on the payroll. iLegal.

This little episode intrigued Tim Cook, though. It was not a Steve Jobs idea even though it might seem like a Steve Jobs idea and something he could pull off.

Apple said they were also fed up with employees who were complaining. Fed up with employees who think they should get paid more. Fed up with employees who think they actually make a difference when it comes to whether someone buys an iPod, iPad or iPhone. Don’t those soon to be former Apple employees realize that the masses would buy Apple products iPods and iPads from a machine at an airport?

One Apple employee made comments related to the $750,000 worth of computers and gadgets he sold in a three-month span.

“I was earning $11.25 an hour,” he told the NY Times. “Part of me was thinking, ‘This is great. I’m an Apple fan, the store is doing really well.’ But when you look at the amount of money the company is making and then you look at your paycheck, it’s kind of tough.”

Well, Apple’s thinking on this issue was this: how would you like no job, no salary?

Furthermore, doesn’t this employee realize that during the three month period he talking about, the months of October, November and December, essentially the holiday season, an untrained monkey could sell Apple iProducts to Ebenezer Scrooge before the ghosts came to visit him?

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