Zuckerberg’s Fed Up, Returning Social Network to Winklevoss Twins

May 30, 2012
J. Webster
Comments Off on Zuckerberg’s Fed Up, Returning Social Network to Winklevoss Twins

Scene: Mark Zuckerberg, nearly in tears, talking to his wife Priscilla Chan about the struggles of Facebook’s IPO while on their honeymoon in Rome, Italy.

Mark: Priscilla, it’s all Sean Parker’s fault, really. I didn’t even want to do an IPO. I didn’t care if Facebook ever want public. I should have listened to Eduardo Saverin and not joined up with all these venture capital guys from Silicon Valley. They’re all greedy and I got sucked into it. I’m starting to think I should just give up on the whole thing all together. Just quit Facebook and go back to school, get my degree.

Priscilla:
What?! That’s insane. Do you realize how stupid that sounds. You’ve got to toughen up. Think what Steve Jobs would do in a situation like this. He’d say fu#k the investment banks and Wall Street and just focus on building the best social network that’s ever existed.

Mark: I know. I know. It’s just, so much as happened the past few weeks. Everyone making fun of me and my sandals and my hoodie. I’m even started to regret screwing over the Winkelvoss twins. I was sort of an ass to them. They ain’t all bad those twins. Maybe I could hire them to do something at Facebook….hell, they can just have it back.

Priscilla: Mark, wake the fuc# up. Snap the fu#K out of it. We might be in Rome drinking coffee but you’ve got to bring yourself back to reality. It’s not your fault the stock tanked on the IPO, it’s Morgan Stanley’s. They messed up the IPO. They should have issued shares at $22 like I told you. You’re taking stupid again. You know what I say when you do that. Go kill something and eat it. Get tough.

Mark: I know. I’ve got to man up. It’s just, it’s been a difficult these last few months. I’m under a lot of pressure.

Priscilla: This is what the stock market does. Don’t worry, Facebook will be $100 a share in a few years. Just listen to me and do what I say. I told you we’re going to try to make as much money as possible out of this stupid social network crap.

Mark: Right, honey. I will. I’ll listen to you. Is it alright if I play video games for a while?

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