What You’re Missing at the Facebook IPO Roadshow

May 7, 2012
J. Webster
Comments Off on What You’re Missing at the Facebook IPO Roadshow

Yes, Facebook is going public and they’re trying to promote their IPO to all the investment bankers from California to New York. Everyone wants to get a glimpse of what’s going on inside the IPO roadshow. Everyone wants to see and hear what Mark and Sheryl and that other guy are saying and wearing and doing. Is Mark wearing that hoodie? That little devil. He didn’t wear it did he…? You’re kidding…he did!

But the doors are shut. Not everyone has a ticket to get in. It’s not like Facebook where everyone can join and post pictures and build a community so Facebook can sell ads and brands can create profiles that you can then LIKE and communicate with. However, lucky you, we do have a list of some of the secret things that are happening at the roadshow. These are things happening pre, during and post IPO show. Yes, we have a mole at the event.

  • The Winklevoss twins storming the stage and taking the mic from Zuckerberg – demanding more shares of Facebook.
  • Goldman Sachs employees wondering why the hell that have to sit through this movie about Facebook.
  • Banker with white hair, glasses, and wearing a bow tie asking what’s a Facebook.
  • Mark Zuckerberg cutting his toenails so he can wear his adidas sandals.
  • Mark Zuckerberg perspiring.
  • Mark Zuckerberg staring blankly into the abyss before he says something that’s quite brilliant.
  • Indoctrination into the cult of Facebook – yes, Facebook really is just a cult.
  • Sheryl Sandberg just being Sheryl Sandberg. So savvy, so smart, so professional, so much in control of Facebook.
  • Security guards, lots of them.
  • A surprise appearance by Andy Sandberg and Justin Timberlake. Yes, it’s going to happen.
  • A hackathon. Yes, as part of the presentation Zuck puts on his headphones, downs two cans of Red Bull, and shows the investment bankers what it’s like to code for 24 hours straight.
  • The hacker prayer.
  • Zuckerberg, in tears, threatening to pull the IPO if he’s not the one to ring the bell at the NYSE when Facebook is listed.
  • Zuck doing a thousand push ups right before he goes on stage.
  • Zuck’s sister, Randi Zuckerberg, performing the Nutcracker dance routine.
  • Randi Zuckerberg talking about Facebook for 6 hours straight – eyes wide as saucers.
  • Sheryl Sandberg and Randi Zuckerberg in a full on fight on stage, earring pulling and all.
  • Sheryl doing Yoga while she’s on stage. Yes, she does a crane pose into a headstand and then she hypnotizes you.
  • Ice tea. Cold. Refreshing ice tea. The best you’ve ever had. But I don’t know if you should drink it.
  • Zuckerberg yelling, “I’m a billionaire!!!!!!!!!! I’m rich bitchesssssssssssssssss!!!! Take that you stupid Winklevoss twins. If you were the creators of Facebook you would have created Facebook.”

Image Source: Business Insider

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Comments are closed.