Jamie Dimon’s Diary

May 14, 2012
J. Webster
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Scene: Jamie Dimon at his desk writing in his diary. There’s a mirror over the desk that he looks up at from time to time.

Date: 5/10/12

Today was a tough day, but it wasn’t your fault. Yes, you knew about the hedged bet…it was said to be under control. No, you are not like Jon Corzine. Stop saying that. You’re nothing like Corzine. Stop beating yourself up. JP Morgan is still a bank with a fortress balance sheet. Never forget that.

Sure, $2 billion is a lot of money but just look at what you’ve done over the last three years.
If it wasn’t for you the world financial markets would have collapsed. Nobody wanted to take on Bear Stearns but you did. Hank Paulson and Timmy Geithner were begging you to buy it and save America. They kept constantly calling you asking you what they should do in the crisis. You helped save the financial markets. When people look back in history they won’t talk about the $2 billion loss.

This will blow over. Yeah, you made a big mistake calling it a tempest in a teapot but it was a hell of a zinger at the time. People loved it.

You’ve learned from this, though. You are a better man now. There is no better banker out there than you. Remember that. Keep your head up. People admire you and look up to you. How brave was it to go on Meet the Press and face the problem head on. Who does that? Usually bank CEOs hide out in their mansions and drown their sorrows with cases of booze. That’s not your style and you deserve credit for that.

Jim Cramer said you should drop your bonus for the year. The man doesn’t think straight and is just trying to get some attention. You’ve worked too hard the past three years and deserve the money. Fire those in charge of the trades instead. That will make you look strong, too. Don’t listen to these TV talking heads. Stick to your goal of becoming the world’s greatest banker like you’ve dreamed of since you were a child. And remember, women love you and would wash your hair and tuck you in at night if they could. No, the gray doesn’t look that bad. You’re beating yourself up again. You ain’t Corzine, bald and with a unkempt beard. In fact, your gray hair makes you looked wiser and more distinguished. You are great. You are the world’s greatest banker. Don’t forget that.

Scene: With that, he scoots out away from his desk, stands up, brushes his hair to the side, puffs up his chest, and walks out of the room.

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