How Mark Zuckerberg Will Celebrate Facebook’s IPO

May 16, 2012
J. Webster
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After Facebook goes public, Mark Zuckerberg will be a rich young man, with a net worth of around $17.5 billion. Yes, he was very smart not to sell Facebook to Yahoo four or five years ago for that $1 billion price tag. Well, like anyone who’s struck it rich, Zuckerberg will want to celebrate the occasion in a special way. Here are some potential ways Zuck will celebrate when Facebook’s stock hits the market:

  • Go outside for a little while and get a way from the computer.
  • Head back to the old house at Stanford and jump off the roof into the pool for old times sake.
  • Kill a chicken and drink its blood.
  • See if Michael Phelps wants to come over and hit the bong again.
  • Take Beast on a walk to the park.
  • Stare at the Facebook ticker all day long.
  • Call Sean Parker and Justin Timberlake and hit the clubs.
  • Code all night jacked up on Red Bull and vodka.
  • Buy ten thousand pairs of adidas sandals and four million hoodies.
  • Kill a goat and eat its heart Raiders of the Lost Ark style.
  • Call his former Harvard employers Divya Narendra and Cam and Ty Winklevoss over to his house for a celebratory drink and toast.
  • Call back the Winklevoss twins and tell them how they’re lucky they go so much money in the settlement and road his coattails to their current fame.
  • Kill a pig and fry up some bacon.
  • Watch Revenge of the Nerds for the 1000th time.
  • Kill a bison and make bison burgers.
  • Read “Ender’s Game” again.
  • Milk and cookies as usual.
  • Call up Andy Sandberg again and have him imitate him over the phone.
  • Go streaking – with nothing but the sandals on!!!!
  • Get Married!!!!

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