Mark Zuckerberg Plans on Buying These Companies, Too

Apr 24, 2012
J. Webster
Comments Off on Mark Zuckerberg Plans on Buying These Companies, Too

Every Silicon Valley company does it after an IPO: splurge on some companies they don’t necessarily need but want. And it’s almost a way to flaunt their new found wealth in a covert way, saying said purchase is all about helping the company or even the world and humanity.

Seeing how Facebook’s purchase of Instagram for $1 billion was a wise move many say, Mark Zuckerberg is now planning on making a few other smaller purchases, a few add-ons let’s say. One might even say throwaways. Just a few companies that he loves and believes will help him as the CEO of Facebook. And if it helps humanity then that’s all well and good too. – Rather than read a bunch of books or take a few classes to learn how to be a better CEO, why not just buy a whole company and have them focus solely on Mark Zuckerberg.

Taco Loco Truck – Zuck just loves their chicken tacos and can’t stand it when the truck isn’t around when he gets a graving, so he’s going to just buy them out. That way they can pull up to Facebook headquarters and bust out some tacos when he’s hungry. Don’t want a hungry CEO.

Adidas Sandals Department – Everyone is aware of Zuck’s wearing of the F U adidas sandals, why not just buy out that part of adidas? And maybe they’ll throw in a life time supply of hoodies.

Fred’s Butcher Shop – It’s well known that Zuck only eats meat that he kills. If he owns a butcher shop he can head over and kill any meat he wants to eat whenever he wants. Heck, he might even make some sausage.

Jesse Eisenberg – Yes, even though Jesse Eisenberg is a person, Zuck plans on buying him out, purchasing him as a stand in and also so he can’t play him in a movie again.

Winklevoss Twins – Yes, these two twins are people too, not they’re not robots, but Zuck plans on paying them to not appear on TV anymore and to stop rowing for God’s sake. He’s just tired of seeing these two make a mockery of themselves. And they have to sell their shares of Facebook immediately and can’t have Facebook accounts anymore. They’re minor and desperate association with Facebook is bad for its image.

Hacker and Hack – Yes, these are words but Zuck plans on buying these two words so people who think they’re hackers, but aren’t in his terms hackers, can’t use them so casually and frivolously.

Ray Ban – This might seem like an odd choice, but Zuck’s eye sight is getting worse after years of hacking way and staring at the computer screen. Zuck is in need of some cool looking eye glasses. He wants glasses nobody else in the world has and is going to have Ray Ban focus on developing a unique pair just for him. Plus, Zuck loves their sunglasses and doesn’t want anyone else to wear them anymore.

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