The Bald Shiny Heads of Goldman Sachs

Feb 26, 2012
J. Webster
Comments Off on The Bald Shiny Heads of Goldman Sachs

Instead of getting their shoes shined, the leaders of Goldman Sachs like to get their heads shined to a sheen so bright that light reflects off their heads and acts as a laser pointer, hitting people in the eye whenever they turn their bald heads. Their bald heads are shaved down to such a gleaming shine that you can see your face in them.

When did the bald head become so popular at Goldman Sachs? It’s been said that one striving leader at Goldman Sachs, not even bald yet, but who desperately wanted to move up the ladder, shaved his head only to be bald once he tried to grow his hair out again when he didn’t get the promotion, a la the swimmer in that Seinfeld episode. And unfortunately he ended up not even moving up the ranks at the firm when he was actually bald.

But you’ve got to give the Goldman leaders some credit, at least their not looking like Timothy Parker or Paul McCulley. Sometimes you have to know when just to shave it all off – cut your loses, sell losers, close a position, trade your plan, let your stops get hit, whatever stock trading phrase you prefer.

Lloyd Blankfein: CEO at Goldman Sachs.

Gary Cohn: President and COO at Goldman Sachs.

Steve Kuhn: Former Vice President & Portfolio Manager at Goldman Sachs.

Henry Paulson: Former CEO of Goldman Sachs.

Jim Cramer: Former stock broker in Goldman Sachs’ Private Wealth Management division.

Greg Smith: He worked 12 years at Goldman Sachs and still loves the firm and says it’s the smartest firm on Wall Street. But he then became fed up with how Goldman Sachs was treating its clients. Smith said they were happy to dupe these muppet clients and make money betting against their bets. He decided to write a book about it, called Why I Left Goldman Sachs. Let’s just say he’s not a loved former Goldman Sachs man, even though he’s bald and shaved his head like the rest.

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