Leaked Tearful Plea From Jamie Dimon’s Upcoming Conference Call

Jan 8, 2012
J. Webster
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Those who were there, in the room, say a single tear fell down the side of Jamie Dimon’s cheek as he rehearsed for JP Morgan’s upcoming conference call, practicing what he would say to the financial world:

“I ask you to stop the hate. I just can’t take it anymore. I am not a bad person. Yes, I’m rich but I’ve worked hard to get where I am. I’m just a banker trying to do good. To loan money. To create jobs. To help our shareholders. To help America become great again. To build the best bank in the world. I ask that you stop demonizing banks and bankers, and me. I plead with you to stop the harassment. Enough with the bullying of America’s big bank bankers.”

With his head hung low, Jamie Dimon got up and strode out of the room, wiping the single tear from his cheek with a kleenex. The once confident, perhaps even arrogant CEO of the bank with the fortress balance sheet, one might say appearing almost humble, perhaps even saddened, and a bit deflated.

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