Doug Kass’s Gnome Has Disappeared

Dec 14, 2011
J. Webster
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The last time we really heard from Doug Kass’s gnome he’d grabbed Kass’s gun and was forcing him to buy broken stocks. Well, it seems he’s vanished.

One witness said used to see the gnome down at Starbucks nearly everyday but hasn’t seen him in weeks. They’d talk shop for hours, stocks he loved and hated and what he was hearing from his people. And how he was watching more Bloomberg than CNBC these days since Erin Burnett left – said he was now in love with Margaret Brennan.

The gnome left his Swiss Alps chateau months ago when the European crisis was in full swing, traveling to Florida to be closer to Doug. He seemed happy when he arrived.

Although after being cooped up for weeks he just lost it, years of frustration boiled over he and grabbed Kass’s gun – threatening Kass. However, once Kass agreed to give him a bigger piece of the action he settled down and was learning to adjust to life in America. He even took part in the crazy Black Friday sales, grabbing a large TV on sale at Best Buy. He’d talk long walks on beach as the sun was going down. Now, he’s just up and disappeared. Across town you’ll see the smiling face of Doug Kass’s gnome on street signs with the caption “MISSING”.

It’s really a mystery, perhaps all the ups and downs and the craziness of the market this past year finally just got to him and he has had enough. Although there were no big losses or anything like that. No margin calls or that type of thing. No rogue trading. Maybe since the market was just being choppy and so headline driven he thought it was time to take a break.

Who can blame him. It’s tough to make money in this market. It’s made smart traders feel very stupid time and time and again. Hopefully we’ll hear from him soon. Perhaps he’s just gone underground for a while, off the grid as they say: Taking a break from Twitter, Facebook, email and so on.

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