Bernanke: My Face, My Beard, Will Be On a Coin

Jun 22, 2011
J. Webster
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Reuters Pictures

Don’t mess with me, we are just coming off the worst financial crisis since the Great Depression, remember, you idiots. What the hell did you expect? Sure, I want growth and employment, who the hell doesn’t, but this takes time.

While I have done some amazing things, made some tough and decisive actions, I’m not Jesus. I can only helicopter in so much money. History though will look back on my time as Federal Chairman and see what an amazing job I did despite the stupidity of Congress and the entire government at times, the Presidents included.

However, when it’s all said and done, they will put my face on a coin like Abe Lincoln. My white beard is like nothing the financial world has ever seen. The Chinese bow to it when they see me. Beards are a sign of wisdom and strength in the Chinese culture. I will get some respect before this is all over.

I’ve had to stoop down to doing these stupid press conferences, and while my beard loves the limelight and the attention, it’s something I don’t need. I know my work will be recognized when this is all over in a few years. Guys like Jamie Dimon think they’re smarter than me. He is not. His good looks can’t make me bend over backwards for him. He already got a steal of a deal on Bear Stearns, we suckered him though into taking over Washington Mutual.

I’m tired of asking dumb question by the likes of Steve Liesman and the like. Then there’s old man Alan Greenspan, trying to step into the spotlight once again with his old man ideas. Stay out old man. Don’t be jealous. I know I’ll be on a coin one day and you want. Worship the beard.

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